Bits, Pieces and Other Folks Snatches

If you don’t have a DVR then quit reading. Don’t watch the show live, record the show or wait about 45 minutes after it starts then begin watching it from the beginning. If you want to watch something more interesting, turn over to public television and watch one of those boring British Comedies chock full of dry humor we Americans don’t understand or think funny. I’ve found the best way to watch American Idol is to fast forward through the little film clips about each contestant, eg: “most embarrassing moment”, “my dad died”, “I’m a gay stripper”. Then listen to the first 20 seconds of each song. If it sounds like a train-wreck is a comin’, listen to the whole song, otherwise, fast forward to the judges comments. Listen to Randy Jackson say Dude and Yo Dawg and Paula say “Gribblesish shazashish ghurruhumpaish ghjyyurish…” and Simon do his usual I hate it or love it depending on which one he wants to win. You can usually learn all you need to know in about 32 seconds on each constant. On Voting, check out www.votefortheworst.com then get on board the night the show airs and dial away during the correct time for voting. Here it’s Monday and Tuesday night from 8pm till a little later.

The other benefit to recording is that as each contestant comes to the mike, you can read the already posted comments on VFTW and pick up good insight on the performance as it’s played out. For example, I wouldn’t have noticed that the wheezy kid licked his lips a hundred times during his performance without the benefit of VFTW.

In theory, you can get all the useful Idol information in about 15 minutes for a 1 hour show after sorting through the shit and commercials.

Now for Danny Noriega. I hated this pussy from the get-go but keeping in line with the VFTW folks, was compelled to keep him on because he was entertaining in an annoying flamboyantly gay way and probably pissed off a lot of Idoltards the longer he stayed. Due to a snowstorm and an accumulation of snow on the dish I forgot to knock off, I didn’t get to see his crying fit and Swan Song which I was hoping to see. Maybe I can catch it on-line. I also missed 50 minutes of LOST before I realized I got distracted with a snowball fight with my kids when I went to clear the snow. The VFTW pick is currently Amanda Overmyer. This woman sounds like Janis Joplin who herself could have made it as a musician only when all the hippies of the 60’s were fucked up on psychedelic drugs (also Bob Dylan). Her hair looks like bride of frankenstein and she comes across as a little bull-dykeish. Her range is limited and she has no moves. Vote for Amanda! The only problem is that Simon likes her which conflicts with VTFW.

Anyway, I hope this makes your American Idol viewing more pleasurable.